


Don't Ever Want To Hear Those Words Today

by sarcasmisawayoflife



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, painful, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasmisawayoflife/pseuds/sarcasmisawayoflife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't supposed to happen this way</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Ever Want To Hear Those Words Today

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on Tumblr but I'm quite proud of it so I decided to post it here too.

Jim looked over at him and he felt it. He felt it in his soul as those blue eyes hardened over with pain and denial. He knew what was coming and he knew he couldn't do anything about it. He watched as the men around them forced Jim to his knees in the cold snow, arms behind his back. The phaser came up to his head and Bones saw Jim's eyes flicker.

"I'm so sorry Bones. I'm so sorry we never got to have that life we pictured. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you with every part of my soul Bones. You are my soul. You took my heart and   
you kept it safe Bones." 

Tears fell down Jim's face, eyes searching his. He felt his own tears fall down his face. He reached out, wanting to pull Jim into his chest, bury him in his arms. He wanted to smell   
that smell that was unique to Jim, sunshine and mints, that he always smelled in the morning. He wanted to feel those hands card through his hair, rest on his cheek, hold onto his   
waist. He took a step forward.

"Jim-" 

The phaser went off.

He watched as Jim slumped forward, face sliding into the snowy ground. He watched the blood stain the soft white. He saw the glint of the wedding ring on Jim's finger as it gazed   
out from the snowy ground. 

He sank to his knees, hands grasping at his short hair.

"No Jim. Nononononono." 

He crawled over to Jim's body, hands pressing down on the head wound, attempting to stop the flow of blood.

"No Jim. Please no. Nononono. Please don't. Don't leave me." He applied more pressure to the wound, watching as his hands were slicked with dark red blood. 

"The payment has been made. You may leave now." The man holstered his phaser and motioned for the rest of them to follow him.

He registered a comm landing next to him in the snow.

He turned Jim over, brushing snow off his cheeks. He left a smear of blood behind which he wiped away with his coat sleeve. He bent down and kissed Jim's closed eyes, tears still   
hidden in the corners. His face was still warm in his hands.

He reached over and grabbed the comm,

"Jim! Captain are ye there!? We've got yer signal locked."

He pressed his head into Jim's chest and brought the comm up to his mouth.

"Scotty beam us up."

"Doctor?"

"Just do it Scotty.... and have medical ready with-" 

He broke off and dropped the comm, hands twisting into the fabric of Jim's jacket. He felt when they had beamed aboard. The chilly air was gone and the hard, cold ground was replaces with the metal of the transporter pad. He didn't move, hands still clenched in Jim's shirt, head pressed into a too- still chest.

"Oh my god. WHERE'S MEDICAL! GET M'BENGA READY IN-"

He looked up and saw Uhura standing over them, mouth hanging open in horror. Spock was leaning against the wall, his emotions on display for everyone to read. Scotty was   
hunched over the control panel, eyes unfocused and watery. 

He let out a strangled cry and gripped Jim's jacket tighter. No one moved. It wasn't until Medical arrived that he said anything.

"Don't you put him in that fucking bag." 

He looked up at M' Benga and did his best to glare at him past the tears. 

"Len you know it's procedure."

He shook his head, hands still clinging on to Jim. A hand landed softly on his shoulder, softly tugging at him.

"NO!" 

Then he felt many hands on him. Someone un-clenched his hands from the jacket as another pulled him away from Jim. He scrambked forward, trying desperately to fling himself   
back over Jim's body.

"NO! YOU CAN'T. PLEASE! Please don't. Don't take him from me."

He felt someone press something cool and metallic into his hand. He looked down and saw the gold of Jim's wedding band gleaming off of the dried blood. He watched as they   
picked up Jim's body and place him.on a stretcher, a white sheet covering his face.

"Jim...."  
He watched them wheel Jim away.

 

He sat there, hand loosely holding onto the gold band. A softer pair of hands cleaned his hands of the blood and gently tugged him out of his jacket. He looked up into Christine's face and saw the tears sliding down her cheeks silently. 

"Len you need to go to your rooms."

He nodded numbly and stood up, feet shuffling out of the door and down the hall to the turbo lift. He smacked the button for the living quarters and sagged against the wall.

When the doors opened he lifted heavy feet down the hallway, stopping outside of the Captain's quarters. His quarters.

The door whooshed open and he stepped inside far enough for it to close, looking around the softly lit room.

"Papa Bones!" 

A little tuft of brown hair bounded forward from the living room. He leaned down and picked up the small boy, brushing back some of his bangs.   
"Papa Bones I missed you! I behaved for Miss Rand like you said though. She let me stay up late and we read stories and I even started learning how to play chess! She had to go   
though." 

The little boy flung his arm around his neck, one hand clutching a stuffed Enterprise ship.

"Where's Daddy Jim?"

Striking blue eyes looked around his head, waiting for the door to whoosh open for a man who would never walk through the doors again. 

“David… Daddy Jim had to go away.”

Blue eyes looked back at him, zeroing in on his own hazel ones.

“Where did he go?”  
He swallowed the lump in his throat and patted David’s back, moving towards the couch.

“He went to visit Nana.”

David curled into his lap as he sat down, his soft brown hair resting under his chin. 

“Why can’t we go with him?” David whispered into his stuffed starship.

He laid one hand on David’s hair and stroked, tears falling down his face again. He felt David’s small body tremble against him and he held him tighter.

“We just can’t. Not yet. You know something though?” 

David looked up at him. He brushed away the tears on the boy’s face with the pads of his thumbs.

“Daddy Jim loved you. He loved you more than anything in the universe and he didn’t want to leave you here alone. He had to though and I know he’s really sorry about it.”

“But I want him here! I want you and Daddy Jim and I want Jo too! I want it back the way it was Papa Bones! I don’t want it to change!” 

David wrapped his small arms around his neck, burying his small head into the blue medical shirt. 

“I’m sorry darlin."

He was going to have to call Jo and Winona. He was going to have to start making funeral arrangements. He was going to need to write an incident report and go to a bunch of   
debriefings for Starfleet. He was going to have to get checked out at Medical. 

He was going to have to raise David by himself. No Daddy Jim for the kid’s first day of Primary school, Secondary school, or college. No Daddy Jim for David’s first fight, first date,   
first failed exam. No smiling Jim to make him pancakes in the morning and read to him at night. No old Jim to stand with him at his wedding, to see his first grandchild. 

He would never wake up to blue eyes staring at him brightly in the mornings. No soft hands to cradle his jaw as he leaned in for a kiss. He’d have no one to berate for being a   
genius level infant. He would never get to kiss him, touch him, smile at him. 

And that was what killed him the most.


End file.
